These are best dad jokes that will also make you laugh 'til you drop...
1. “My dad and I were checking out at the store when the checker asked him if he wanted paper or plastic. He responded, ‘Either, I’m bisacktual.’”
—Rachel Gunther, Facebook
2. “My mom — after getting dressed to go out — asked my dad, ‘How do I look?’ He replied, ‘With your eyes.’”
3. “Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.” —Barry Hansen, Facebook
4. “When my dad emerged from a lengthy trip to the toilet I asked, ‘Did you spray?’ (as in did he spray the air freshener). His response? ‘Nah, it was solid.’”
5. “At a restaurant the waitress asked my husband if he’d like soup or salad. He responded, ‘I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.’”
6. “Whenever I ask my dad if he’s all right he replies, ‘No, I’m half left.’”
7. “What did the horse say after it tripped? ‘Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup.’”
8. “My friend’s mom to his little sister: ‘Ava, calm down! Do you have a squirrel in your pants or something?’ My friend’s dad: ‘I had a squirrel in my pants once. He was searching for nuts.’”
9. “When I was a kid I fell down on the sidewalk and the first thing my dad said was, ‘Is the sidewalk okay?’”
10. “Whenever we’d drive past a cemetery, my dad would say, ‘You know how many people are dead in that cemetery? All of them!’”
You can also tell these best dad jokes to your children....
11. “When my kids say, ‘Can I ask you a question?’ I reply, ‘You just did.’”
12. “Whenever a server says, ‘Sorry about your wait,’ I reply, ‘Are you saying I’m fat?’”
13. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.”
14. “My dad is Japanese and pulled this one out on election day: ‘This is a hard day to be Japanese with a language barrier. I showed up at the polling place with my pants down because I thought it was erection day.’”
15. “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.”
16. “My dad saw an ambulance barreling down the street with its siren blaring, then said, ‘They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.’”
—Rachel Gunther, Facebook
2. “My mom — after getting dressed to go out — asked my dad, ‘How do I look?’ He replied, ‘With your eyes.’”
3. “Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.” —Barry Hansen, Facebook
4. “When my dad emerged from a lengthy trip to the toilet I asked, ‘Did you spray?’ (as in did he spray the air freshener). His response? ‘Nah, it was solid.’”
5. “At a restaurant the waitress asked my husband if he’d like soup or salad. He responded, ‘I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.’”
6. “Whenever I ask my dad if he’s all right he replies, ‘No, I’m half left.’”
7. “What did the horse say after it tripped? ‘Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup.’”
8. “My friend’s mom to his little sister: ‘Ava, calm down! Do you have a squirrel in your pants or something?’ My friend’s dad: ‘I had a squirrel in my pants once. He was searching for nuts.’”
9. “When I was a kid I fell down on the sidewalk and the first thing my dad said was, ‘Is the sidewalk okay?’”
10. “Whenever we’d drive past a cemetery, my dad would say, ‘You know how many people are dead in that cemetery? All of them!’”
You can also tell these best dad jokes to your children....
11. “When my kids say, ‘Can I ask you a question?’ I reply, ‘You just did.’”
12. “Whenever a server says, ‘Sorry about your wait,’ I reply, ‘Are you saying I’m fat?’”
13. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.”
14. “My dad is Japanese and pulled this one out on election day: ‘This is a hard day to be Japanese with a language barrier. I showed up at the polling place with my pants down because I thought it was erection day.’”
15. “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.”
16. “My dad saw an ambulance barreling down the street with its siren blaring, then said, ‘They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.’”
Comments
Post a Comment